Hail to the Chief!

Planning an Election Night party? Call Friends For Hire!

We don't care if you're throwing a bi-partisan bash, or if your shingdig could make even George Soros feel middle-of-the-road, we've got you covered.

For the low, low price of $538, you can have the political junkies at Friends For Hire turn your home into the set of the McLaughlin Group, or the DKE House when Dubya was an undergrad, as we wait to see which of these two nincompoops great men earn the right to occupy the same Oval Office where John Kennedy and Ronald Reagan once stood tall against the Evil Empire.

Feeling undecided? Check out our qualifications:

• We vote in every election, even when it's just to defeat silly bond proposals.
• We believe in the First Amendment, and have exercised our right to protest and belittle people with whom we've disagreed.
• We believe in the Second Amendment, even though we unfortunately aren't allowed to shoot the people we exercised our First Amendment rights against.
• We've participated in political conventions at all levels (except state and national).
• We've donated (small amounts) to and (briefly) worked for political campaigns.
• And... we've seen every episode of The West Wing, so we really know our stuff.

Whether you're a Democrat, a Republican, one of those people that take pride in wasting your vote, or you're just looking for an excuse to emulate Ted Kennedy on a Tuesday, Friends For Hire won't leave you hanging, Chad!

We can tell your other guests how your great uncle Milton campaigned our grandfather to the Texas Railroad Commission, or how the College Republicans chapter you chaired once raised $25,000 for the State Party. And that cute little brunette that sometimes gets mistaken for Barbara Bush? She'll be begging you to buy her margaritas at Chuy's once she hears about the summer you interned at the White House.

It doesn't matter if your personality is non-existant like Joe Biden or cantankerous like John McCain. We don't care if your resume is as bare as Barack Obama's or Sarah Pallin's. We believe that everybody's voice should be heard, as long as your bank account doesn't rememble the Washington Mutual corporate ledger. And with prices this low, you don't need a government bailout!

So don't be a jackass; let Friends For Hire help you throw a Grand Old Party this November!